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Penalty doesn't work - but what can be done instead? How can we teach our children that the consequences of what they do? Here are some practical tips.What can we do if we get into the "say it 100 times and never hear it" situation, and we think that we will have to be punished now that we are not learning the case and we are getting nothing?
First of all, we can try to divert our "disorderly" energy in our eyes to another direction, how could we help. Children like to participate in their parents' activities, find ways to involve them.
If we go shopping, we can entrust ourselves with the task and take part in activities that we consider acceptable at home. Each of my kids helped me unpack the dishwasher for 2 years, and we all enjoyed our hard work.
If something doesn't like what you do or the way you do it, we can tell them. It helps them to know what we are just being angry about or what has shocked us or made us wonder if there is no reference to the child's character. "Very annoying if ..." "Feeling bad to me if I see / hear it ..."
Instead of punishing him, tell him what you expect from him
Tell us what to expect. Adults and children are not mind readers either. There are times when we think we can really know, but the thing is we can't. Or most recently they weren't watching. Tell us and make it clear what you are expecting. "When we go shopping, I want you to help push the basket, so I always know where they are and we're not obstructing the rest of the shopping." (This also gives him some information.)
THE choice a big favorite, and not only now. When we are told what to do, or what we should do, it is sometimes, even in adulthood, that the sensation of a "chaotic" comes to mind. If you allow yourself to make some decisions about your own life, we can help him and ourselves and reduce the frequency of disputes. You can also see what's coming up and decide which way to start. Here's an example of expressing our expectation: "Here's your cocoa. You can choose to be careful not to spill over this time, or to help keep it rolling if you go crazy."
When the end of the action is over, and we cannot avoid the consequences, because there is a water before it, like a broken one, we help each of us show you how it can come. "If we can't glue it together, quickly remove the splinters so that no one gets hurt! You'll find a broom and a sheet in the closet under the sink."
Occasionally, we've tried all the elements so far, and so there is no effect. Well, what then? Threatening doesn't help. It is worth mentioning the following that actually occurs. It is a matter of choice that the child chooses and we have to adapt to it. Once you have picked out what you have to choose and have chosen, we are also worth sticking to the above mentioned result, because it is so meaningful to what we have said. So, for example, if the cacao fails again, it is worth remembering what they have chosen.
He will not be overwhelmed with currency, but he himself has made the decision, in which case he will experience its consequences. He'll be watching closelynot to overdo it, or you will know what is the solution to the situation. However, this requires that you do not change the options you have. Another example is when we try to find a solution to the rules to make a profit, and really feel like we don't want to do it again.
Don't threaten to come with us right next time, we'll really be gone next time. If we want our words to have an effect, let's blame them so that they are not just a threat that they know we won't do. Just give you options that you can choose from that are acceptable to you - it puts you down badly if you start haggling afterwards.
But the most important thing is just coming. If we know that punishment does not work and we are working to avoid it, it is a success. Let us be clear, however, that "discussion" does not come from one day to the next.
We don't want to be perfect, we are not robotswho can program themselves and act in the right way from a certain point in time. We can be better and worse today than anyone else. If we allow our child to do something about the umpteenth warning, let us also forgive ourselves if we are not always the "perfect parents" we are supposed to be.
Let's know the way, if we get rid of it, we'll be back. We also deserve self-dissolution if we say something in our inertia, hope, or anger that we regret later. Here you go five more. After all, who do they learn to apologize for, and confess to the perpetrator or the mistake, if we don't?
These are also worth reading:
- Do you like it or not?
- 3 + 1 educate your tank
- Yes you can educate without punishment!
- Bring it or bear it?